Orlando in early July is a mistake. Sorry if you live there, but stay inside. Don’t, whatever you do, go to Disney.

I did.

As a preface. I love Disney. I love the ambiance, and they are the best at what they do… no question about it.

But be prepared to wait in two hour lines in the scorching sun to get to a ride that lasts three minutes at best. With no bathroom in site and no water stops. If you have children under 10, don’t even think about it. For your sanity and theirs.

I’m trying to entertain my 6 year old cousin and her 10 year old brother with a game on my phone called Pictionary (if you are thinking of going to a theme park and waiting in lines, download it now. It’s worth the entire 99 cents).

The category is fairytales, and I think its quite suiting for the situation we found ourselves in.

“Excuse me” someone says as they walk by, and not thinking twice I move over.

The 6 year-old starts crying a few minutes later. The ride is “Avatar; flight of passage” and she is upset because she doesn’t want to turn into a “blue person”. If you’ve seen avatar then you know of what I speak. If not, your loss.

But again, don’t bring a 6 year-old into the park to wait in a line two hours long in 90+ degree weather. There isn’t a happy ending.

She’s crying and screaming and we are all trying to calm her down. “You won’t turn into a blue person, we promise. It’s only a ride…” blah blah blah. Saying whatever we can to make it stop, and all the while her brother chirps in “I can’t wait to be a blue person. Look, there are the blue people! How long will it take to turn into one”. It’s a precarious situation at the very least.

“Excuse me” a couple says as the walk past us into the cave ahead. This is where Disney goes right. We’ve been out in the sun waiting for about an hour, but the next hour and a half is all inside, not really with air condition, but in the shade and displaying “blue people” to make it aesthetically pleasing.

I don’t focus on the couple, I’m just trying to calm my cousins down to maintain an equilibrium of wonder and awe. My mother taps on my shoulder saying “Thats the second time people have just walked in front of us”. If you’ve seen my previous posts, my mother is that person. She notices everything and comments on everything.

“I’m sure they had to go to the bathroom, or get water. We’ve been in the sun for an hour mom”. But the problem with this couple is they stopped… in front of us.

My older cousin (I have a lot of them), says to them “are you all looking for someone? Maybe we can help”

Note to the line cutters. Never, never, ever, ever, cut in front of a family 8 strong. It’s a fight you will lose every time. Even though there was a screaming child and a child jumping up and down and a grandmother gasping for air; one of us will notice, and we will alert the herd every time.

“No” they answer my cousin, “we just got separated from our party but we are texting them now”

My mother is seething and my cousin is gasoline to her fire. “Oh but we can help you look! There are so many of us”.

“No, we are just going to text them… Thank you though”. Not good enough for a mother whose children and nephew and niece have been waiting in the sun all day.

“They cut us!” She adamantly says. “They, who are adults without children, just cut a family at Disney! It’s a disgrace”.

The next worker she sees, she explains the whole situation. We are all red with shame and embarrassment. We are tattle-tailing at Disney on a couple that we don’t even have solid evidence on. At the same time though, a strong sense of pride floods me and I back up my mother.

“They just walked in front of us” I say. “They indicated that they were looking for people, but never moved further in the line. And they stopped right when we got to the cave, so anyone behind us wouldn’t have realized what they were doing… other then my hawk eyed mother here who also hears me whisper something from two floors away.”

The worker at Disney stops them and asks if she can help them find their group. My mother flushes with embarrassment and walks away, saying to everyone within earshot “It’s not right… we have children waiting in the sun for an hour.”

My older cousin doesn’t care, and stays to eavesdrop on the interrogation of the couple. Turns out, my mother was right, as always. There was no text message to prove where the couples group was, the Disney worker (probably a college kid just trying to put something on their resume) awkwardly had “the talk” with them, saying something like “you can’t cut the line… I understand you may have family up there, but families are waiting here and if you can’t find yours then I’m sorry”… blah blah blah. Who knows. We don’t see what happens with the couple because we all keep moving, and end up waiting another hour and half with a crying child, but at least we are in the shade.

I get a drink as soon as we get out of the ride. An alcoholic one thats disgustingly two sweet, but beggars can’t be choosers….

But looking back on it… what the hell? You just walk in front of everyone? Not just us, but there were plenty of families and children behind us and you just think you are better then everyone? Disney, is first and foremost, in my opinion, for the children. It’s also a place adults can enjoy themselves and tap back into that childish wonder, but lets be honest, it’s for the children. And parents bring their children there to help keep them children just a little bit longer.

Way to go mom for noticing, but who knows honestly how many people do this without anyone noticing! You all should be banished from the park, Indefinitely.

Regardless, the night ended on a very good note. We went to the fireworks at the castle. honestly a thrilling display for everyone, and my 6 year old cousin was casually sharing a trash can that was doubling as a seat with another 6 year old boy.

His shirt read “Today is my birthday and I’m in Disney”. My mother, who will never not notice everything, said “Oh happy birthday!” and my I-dont-care-what-you-think older cousin yelled out “let’s sing happy birthday”.

The 8 of us started the classic Happy Birthday anthem, and by the time the final “Happy birthday to youuuuuu” was said, approximately 50 people around us had joined in. It was amazing. This boy’s face just completely transformed. Blushing reds and smiling into his shoulder, while the whole time his father looked on with literal tears in his eyes. It just took a moment to be a scene I will remember the rest of my life.

And I think to myself… what a wonderful world.